Tuesday, December 30, 2008


Today was the most uninspiring day I've had in a long long time.

At first, I looked for inspiration.

When I yielded no results, I stopped looking.

And I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

But nothing .


The ability to be or become inspired comes from the G-dly part of us. Unlike instinct, which comes naturally, like the desire for food, for example.

But things that don't come naturally take energy. ...and I had none of that today.

So, I never DID end up in La La Land of Inspiration today.

But I kinda feel a lil empty.

You know... maybe it is worth the extra bit of energy. :)

Monday, December 29, 2008

On a Roll...

I don't know how many of you have gone bowling lately or not... but whatever the case, try to picture this scene. 

It's your turn up. 
You swing the ball, aim, and roll. 
your eyes follow the ball in anticipation.
it begins to veer. Eyes closed, you silently beg : "NO...no...no..."
Too late..... much to your disappointment, the ball heads straight to the gutter.


It's your turn up again.
You swing the ball, aim, and roll. 
Your eyes follow the ball in anticipation. 
 It heads straight, straight, straight, hits smack into the pins.
 The once neat set of rows, clash, crash, and fall. 
Hands shoot up-----> oh yeah!!!


You know, parenthood is  kinda like a bowling alley. 

Parents "pick up the ball, aim, and swing" us for a short while. This is the point where they teach their children life's lessons and set up good and stable foundations for their children. 

Then,  they can't hold onto their children forever, so  they have to let go, let them out into the real word. 

Eyes squeezed shut, they pray.
"Please stay in the path. Please remember to make the right choices, and to keep  focused on where you're heading."

At times, the ball rolls in a zigzag, but eventually, it makes it. 
At other times, the ball heads  straight and smoothly hits the pins. 
And then, there are times where the ball veers completely off the path, straight into the gutter. 

The ones that have bumpers never fall. 

..And even for the ones that do......
...there's always a ball retriever to bring them back ;)

Shallow vs. Deep

Hanging around my (not yet) frum cousins lately, has gotten me wondering.

They go to Hebrew Day School and know the Mitzvos. They go to temple, and keep the basics of the holidays.
So aside from their lack of frumkeit, what makes them so, so different then me?

After much thought i realized.
To them Judaism is a bunch of laws, restrictions, yeses and no-nos.
Point blank. Square. Am I allowed, am I not allowed.

To me, Judaism has depth and meaning. Diversity. Reasons and Clarifications.
Puts a whole new, better, purer, healthier outlook on life.

Just another reason why I love being a Chossid and a lamplighter :)

In Perfect Balance

Does having a balanced life mean..........

That there's an answer to every question...?

A solution to every problem...?

A half to every half...?

A resolution  to every conflict...?

A winner to every battle...?

A leap backwards to every progression...?

When I think of balance, I picture serenity, peace, clarity, and harmony.

When I think of the opposite, I picture chaos, disunity, and disharmony.

Should I live the rest of my life trying to come to terms, despite the fact that there isn't an answer to every question?

Is simplicity and clarity only for the simple minds of children, and the complex minds of the old?

Searching for someone with the answers--- but till then... life's just a balancing act. :)

Sunday, December 28, 2008


If the world says that we should aim to be leaders, not followers, then who will follow those that lead?

Reflecting on Life

I'm looking at myself in the mirror. I give a twirl or two.
I step back, admiring my looks.
I step forward, close to the mirror.
So, so close, my breath is reflected as a hazy cloud of fog.

I look carefully, examining my features.
At first, all i see is the surface.
Then looking hard, something deeper comes in view; my innermost thoughts and feelings come to life. 

The mirror reflects externality, yet it arouses my inner emotions. 
What's inside is being reflected on the outside. 
Others perceive us by our looks, and we get sterotyped by how were perceived. 
... and our perception by others is whats usually most important to us, and is what most of us form our lives by. 

So, am I living because of me or am I living because of you?  

Saturday, December 27, 2008

So so so proud :)

You  know you're in an Conservative Temple if... 

* You come to the bathroom, and under the black engraved- "Nashim"- it says in small letters-
"Please remove ur prayer shawls before entering. "

* You  hear "Adon Olam" .. at the end of davening to the tune of Maoz Tzur (Chanukah spirit n stuff :) 

*  There are special kippas for sale at the front, blue for men, beaded for ladies 

* Someone chants "Shomer Et Hashabat" over the microphone 

* The Rabbi kisses everyone on thier way out 


How do i know??? 
 Well... after spending my entire shabbos morning waiting in the lobby while services were in session......  I think I should know.... 

So proud to be a chassid...... LIGHT ON fellow chassidistes :) :) :) 

BE PROUD :) :)

Friday, December 26, 2008

Life's Little Struggles :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Waging war between
yes TV or no TV

If no- who am I trying to impress?
If yes- who am I trying to fool?

I feel the battle at high stride as I step into the airplane.

I look around. No TV.

Problem solved :)

Thank you Hashem!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Everyone's Got a Miracle

THE question arose when my teacher, in the spirit of Chanukah, asked the class to share miracle stories. I racked my brains to try to come up with one, mostly to take up more class time, but produced only negative results.

At first, I didn't really think about it, but then when more and more girls started coming up with miracle stories, I got this little nagging feeling. Really, do I have a miracle story? I mean... I never missed a plane that crashed or anything?

Hidden miracles.
Blurred by obstruction, covered by illusion.

Revealed miracles.
Aha moments =!=.

What are my miracles?
No aha moments. No refreshing senses of revelation.

But... Happy Moments.
Delightful moments.
Joyful moments.
Awesome moments.
Inspiring moments.



Love. Friends. Life. Laughter.


My miracles.

.............................aaaahhhhaaaaaa.... ;)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

WE nearly danced out of the NOKIA store, under strings of red and green lights.  The Snow was falling rapidly, and my feet were numb. But inside, I felt like my neshama could fly. 

We hadn't expected it, in the least. Maybe a yid or two, and three, if lucky. 
I'm still WOWED by the way we found so many Jews. 


We had already walked up and down the street twice, and did the not have the least success. Some of those we stopped  nodded and rushed away, others smiled politely and said they weren't-- " ...and  NO! my boyfriend ISN'T  Jewish either, thank you very much." 

With our hope dissipating, we contemplated heading home. Suddenly, we bumped into a guy, short, round, with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. 

We told him what we were doing, and he pointed out to us 2 stores with which the owners were Jewish. We thanked him profusely, and ran to the stores, still holding onto  our last glimmer of hope. 

And it didn't stop there. We soon  realized that almost EVERY store on the block was Jewish. we just never entertained the thought that they might be. All it took was one man to tell us there were 2 Jews, to lead us to find more. 


 There's two ways to look at mivtzoyim
a) I'm doing then a favor by going out of MY way. 
b) they're doing me a big favor, by giving me the satisfaction. 

I prefer the latter. 

They gave me so much more. Every time someone said  "YES, I'M JEWISH!"  I was so proud! 
I felt so good..... 
You see, cuz when i give a gift to the Rebbe, He gives it back to me =)

Friday, December 12, 2008

taken by me.

designed by

Saturday, December 6, 2008


Little white gems glistening
against the backdrop of the nighttime sky.

A soft glow,
a obscure twinkle.
Head back,
tongue out.
Snowflake, make landing on my tongue!

Watching with scrutiny at the tip 
as the snowflake dissipates.

All bundled up under fluffy down blankets
Sipping hot cocoa with
white fluffy marshmallows bobbing up and down.

Baking chocolate chip cookies. YUUMMM !

Mismatched socks, warm PJ's,
warming toes on the heater.



Luv snowfall....