The Apology

You know what I'm talking about. Don't you? Those things that flood your email box just weeks before the Judgement Day? Those annoying, empty "heartfelt" letters begging for forgiveness. Its like... k another apology note... I betcha that she just clicked the "all contacts" button.. with no clue as to who it was reaching or why.

Its just pointless.

This year I won't be sending out one of those "will you please forgive me for anything I may have done..." emails. Yuukkk.

Its not because I don't want to forgive anyone. I do. Really.

Its just that....if I'm apologizing to someone...it should be personal. I should really mean it. Not just another forward sent at the click of a button without much thought or meaning attached.

I want it to come from within. I want to truly feel it, because that the only way you will too.

So the only one Ill be sending a apology note to is g-d. Cuz I know he knows i mean it. deep down, somewhere, I do. Because each year he makes a deal with me. Ill forgive you, If you'll forgive me.

and for everyone else... I hope that I can attain a level where I truly forgive you all... and its only then that I'll expect you to do so in return.

A teacher Called Life

Something is playing with my emotions, but I can't pinpoint what it is.

Today I am happy. Tomorrow I am sad. Its a never-ending cycle called life.

And When I finally feel settled, it's the time to get up again. Its time to face the future, and all that it entails.

When shallow seems impossible to comprehend, it is then where I meet deep. And then I'm forced to face it and confront it. Learn it, process it and take part of it. and Make it part of me.

When I want to cry, you crack a joke, and alas! I'm forced to laugh.

When I want to scream, I just happen to be in public, and I'm forced to hold it in.

When I finally understand, you show me that there is always more. That I can never learn enough. And that there is always enough out there to learn.

When I want to show you how much You matter, You teach me that I can matter more. and that all it takes is effort. And that all that I have to do is try.

When I finally think Ive won, you hand me another battle to wage.

When I finally think I have the answers, You'll throw another question in my face.

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- And When I think a chapter is coming to a close, you show me that its only the beginning.

Blog Anniversary!!!

Yup Folks!

Its been a year!!!!

..now isnt it a coincidence that today marks 800 visitors? (well.. I know thats only from june 7th, but Hey! that's still pretty kewl!!! :)

Oh. P.S.---->it also happens to be a pretty cool date 9.9.09... :)

wrongdoings

One more Question (I have been doing quite alot of exploring lately...) :

Why is it that when I see one of my close friends doing something concidered "stupid" does my heart contract in pain, but If I do the same thing I won't think twice?

Its something like when I was in 5th grade, if I "figured out" a "bad" word I would only tell some friends and not others because "they can't know these things".

Why?

They're the same age as me. They have basically the same backround as me.
So then why does it pain me so?!

Maybe I'm just a hypocrite.

And I never know... Maybe, just maybe, when "they" see me doing the wrong thing, It pains them too.

Why Does music make you move?

Why?

Invisible Vibes, I guess.

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Im an explorer. Every day is like I'm born again. Every day I learn more, and I wonder how I lived yesterday without knowing what I learned today. I have tonz more to say on this topic, but at risk of sounding cliche, Ill stop here.

Bottom Line:

Learning Rocks.

Punchline

Life is a metaphor.
It's a journey.
It's a road.
It's a jungle.
It's a test.
It's an obstacle course.
It's a game.
It's a magazine.
It's a ballpark.
It's a roller coaster.
It's a puzzle.
It's a symphony.
It's a race.
It's a train.
It's bridge.

Life's a story...


...and I await the punchline.

growing up

When I was 10 I thought I was so big.
Big enough to know a lot (yeah...it was kind of when I lost all innocence... but lets not get into that)
Big enough to do a lot.
Big enough to Cross Empire Boulevard all by my self.
Just Big :)

Then When I turned 12 it was like.... Tens Big?? haha. are you kidding me? 12 definately takes 1st place in the Big Girl spectrum. I'm a woman, after all.

And then I turned 13.
And 14.

And I REALLY felt Big. High School, you know. It actually wasn't High School though that made me feel all grown up. It was the very immature thought that I knew everything and there was no point in going to High School to learn, because, after all... I know everything there is to know, right? ;)

And now Im 15.

And I'm grown up enough to realize that I'm not grown up at all.

Legacy

You.
I heard of you yesterday.
But to hear about you?... it was a day too late.
Because I can no longer get to know you.

I would love to ask you your name.

But I cant.

I would love to know where you're from.

But you can't answer.

Because you aren't here. Because you can no longer hear me.

Too late.

Death is just another part of life.
Another step
just part of the process

But we are humans
we may die
Yet we leave footprints.


and the future walks in them.