Post Gimmel Tammuz Guilt

Hey Bloggie.

Thank you for being the only one I can talk to at this hour as I wallow in self-pity.
Today was Gimmel Tammuz.
The day the Lubavitcher Rebbe was taken away from the His Chassidim.
The day my Rebbe was taken from me.

And yet,
I felt nothing.

I woke up @ 1:09. Rolled over... muttering to my sister under my breath that it was gimmel Tammuz and she should go and do something productive otther then waking Big Sister up. Ha.

What a hypocrite.

I finnally headed for the shower a quarter to two, and then proceeded with my day.
dressed.
ate.
ate.
checked gmail.
checked facebook.
checked blog.
went on fmylife.
signed out.
ate.
ate.
went for ice cream.
went to the library.
went on the computer.
chekced out books.
came home.
went on the computer.
ate.
ate.
ate.
went on the computer.
read a book.
and here I am.
at 2 in the morning, and nothing that qualifies as fullfilling on the agenda of my previous day. (lol that line sounds perfectly ironic)


I should be all inspired.
I should have gone to the ohel.
I should've made a hachloto.

but never mind that.

I probably should've davened.
Shouldve said modeh ani.
Shouldve said Brachos.
Should've helped my mother.
Should've said chitas.
Should've bentched.
Should've learned.

But no.
Not even that.
I'm nothing better than a goy.
I eat drink and sleep. Why> to live> and why a goy lives? So that he can wake up tomorrow so he can eat drink and sleep once more.

And yet, on this auspices day I feel nothing.


Well, not nothing.











I feel guilty.